Wednesday, February 12, 2014

{How to Be By Yourself}

When Jeff first started driving for a living, there was difficult transition. He was gone for several weeks at a time, and when he was home, it was only for a couple of days before leaving again. During that time I had to re-learn how to be by myself. How to go through the day without bumping into someone else at home. The first couple of weeks were the worst, and while I had the newly adopted Cooper to help ease into the transition, it was still a rough switch.

But as the weeks went on, it got easier, and it was almost like learning to be single again, in the sense that I had to be more self-reliant on a day-to-day basis. I started to look forward to my time alone at night after work, to having full control over the tv, the ability to consume a book without feeling like I should be paying attention to someone else, and I could cook whatever I wanted, Fish, mushrooms, sushi, and it wouldn't matter because Jeff wasn't there to be allergic or detest them! I still missed him to death, and we maintained contact several times a day, but after a long adjustment,  I could get through a day FINALLY without panic attacks, low emotions, or listlessness. It worked. We made it work.

And in November, when Jeff got hurt, I was conflicted. I was over the moon excited to have him home, but internally annoyed, because all of the sudden, I had to start sharing daily routine with someone else again. I had to share the remote, the bed, pillows, meal decisions, use of time, etc. and there were more than a few moments where I felt like he was welcome to leave anytime in the first couple of weeks of having him home non stop. And as we eased back into the routine of having each other around every day, it got comfortable again. I love having Jeff home, I like having him to talk to before bed, to wake me up in the morning, to argue with, to laugh with, and it was nice, REALLY nice to have him home for two months, and those first annoyances were easily forgiven and forgotten.

So here we are, starting the cycle again. The Jolly Green Giant's arm is in ship shape and he's back to work this first week in two and a half months. And he's happy to be back to working, and providing, and I'm learning how to be by myself, again.