{Thank You}

With Jeff away more, and all the travel time I have myself, I've had a lot of time to be left to my thoughts. I've been particularly introspective about the supports that have been there for me over the past few years as I've gone through huge and difficult changes in my life.

Jeff has been a rock the past couple of years, and has truly become my best friend and the person that I can rely on and tell just about anything to in confidence. Then again, that's what a marriage is. But he's not been the only one to lift me up, and show up in moments of need.

First, I have some amazing family members. Although we have our dysfunctions just like the next family, I've always been able to rely on my Aunt, Lori to be there as a supportive and creative outlet, and mother figure, particularly after Mom's passing. We've always had similar interests in movies, literature, and design, and when I got married she stepped up and created a wedding dress that I adored, and really all of the dresses that went with the wedding. Always tolerant and accepting of others, she's always been a positive and encouraging factor in my life. I'm really grateful for that.

My mother and grandmother, both gone now, were strong and singular women who made an impact wherever they went. I often clashed with what I wanted to do and what they thought was the right thing for me to do, but regardless of my follies, they stood by and supported me, and were driving forces in my life. While I think I've done remarkably well handling the void they've left behind. I really, really miss them pushing me, and life has changed dramatically without them in it.

My immediate family has as if over night turned completely male. With that said, I have three amazing men to rely on day to day. My father, who has always supported me unconditionally, my brother, who probably understands me better than anyone in the world,  and Jeff - the worlds most steadfast husband, have created a wall of protection and support that has become the new familiar, and evolving family unit.

Then, I have some amazing friends. and  I think this is where my biggest reflection has been lately. To be honest, I've been secluding myself away the past few months. I've been trying to keep up with work, missing Jeff, and really lacking the energy to put myself out there to interact with others. There have been a few that have been consistent in trying to drag me out of this, who reach out and check in, and I really, really appreciate you. Please don't give up on me. I  really do want that girls night.

When Jeff and I moved to China, we had friends that jumped in and helped us move, helped us learn Chinese ( well, gave it their best - I'd liken it to teaching a box of rocks, though. They never really stood a chance), and then a special few that even came to visit us. In a foreign place where one stands out as much as we did, seeing a familiar and friendly face made life easier, and renewed downtrodden spirits. We were just as grateful for the friends we DID make in China. Without them we would never have been able to order food, navigate the transit system, haggle the best deals, find the best pearls, discover places out of our comfort zones, and most of all, we would have been very, very lonely. Seriously, we look back extremely fondly on our experience in China, and it is entirely because of the network of people that surrounded us while we were there.

Coming back for my mother's funeral was surreal. I put all of my focus on getting out of China, getting back, getting a job, getting a place to live, that I didn't really allow myself to absorb the whole thing. The visitation and the funeral were tough. I had family not speaking to me, people I had never met or barely recognized striking up conversations with me, and exhaustion from the week of chaos. It was such a little thing, but two friends who I had not expected to see, showed up at the perfect time, sat on either side of me, and ran interference on the well intentioned, but overwhelming condolences. I don't think I ever expressed to those two how much that meant to me, but I don't think I would have gotten through as well as I did without that.

As we grow, evolve, and transition to different phases of our life, different people enter and exit, having left their mark. I think it's understatement to say that I have gone through several periods of deep immaturity, and it has been a refreshing comfort to rekindle friendships with the most unlikely people, and to gain a better insight into myself, as well as what I was too self involved to realize at the time. Being able to reflect, apologize, and move forward with more humility has been a great gift, and I'm so grateful for the friends that have allowed me to grow through knowing them.

I'm not the best version of me I want to be - yet. I have a lot of growing yet to do, and look forward to the journey. Still, it is amazing to have the ability to look back and recognize points of growth, and the individuals that have made a difference along the way.

Thank YOU, for making a difference in my life.

{2012}

 

2012 was full. It started out in Shanghai, China, where Jeff and I rang in the western New Year, and then the Chinese New Year in February. We celebrated one glorious, tough, trial ridden, tender, and sometimes argumentative year together in our first apartment in Suzhou, China. We explored new places, new people and LOTS and LOTS of new food. While most people boast losing weight in China, we managed to maintain and gain while grazing and dining on the tasty treasures our new home had to offer. We made new friends, were parents to a sweeet French Bulldog, Jack, for a while, and enjoyed our religious freedoms through our small branch of church in a city that treated us very well. We haggled, lost our tempers, humbled ourselves, and grew close to a people that found us intriguing. We lost count of how many times it was bluntly pointed out that we were fat, learned to let it go, and found an even deeper friendship in each other in the absence of others. We had visits from old friends, and went on countless adventures, both large and small. We got lost, got found, and got sick. We held wild animals, learned to bake in unconventional settings, and mastered transit systems. We went to the Temple in Hong Kong, and had faith moving experiences. We livened up Hong Kong Disney, and rekindled the kids within us. Jeff conquered Chinese airplanes, and the splits. We lost my mother, who finally succumbed to a valiant fight against cancer. We left Suzhou unexpectedly fast, leaving much behind, including objects, friends, and work. We made it home in time for the funeral, for closure, and the reaffirming of family ties. We've quickly picked up from where we left off in Lexington, found a comfortable place to live and are now preparing for the next leg of the journey that lays ahead of us in 2013. 

In 2012, we lived sincerely, wholly, and with hearts open.

2013, bring it on.

{ Bobby Come Back!}

So, it’s been about 9 months that we have been in China. We are lucky to have found ourselves in a town that has a lot of ex-pats and there is a lot of western food here that is close but not the same. We have made some good friends and when they left China we got their spices and left over this and that, so for the most part we have been luck to have a  little bit of the western flavor when we want it.  But there are still things we miss. With that said, we also know some of the most amazing people. We have a friend who comes to China for work. This time around he came out of his way to spend the weekend here in Suzhou with us. Another one of our friends from home, Jason along with Ashley's dad put together a bag full of things we missed from home. It made my weekend to have a friend here with similar interests, and to have some one to run around town with and just have an all around fun weekend.

I am sad to say it didn’t start off good. I picked up Bobby from the airport at 6:30pm, with the intent on hopping onto the metro, taking a 30 minute train to Suzhou, and be in home in time for dinner. Excited and distracted to have Bobby here, I took us the long way to the train station on the Shanghai metro and we just missed the last train home, so we had to run to the other side of town to a different train station to get a train ride home. Buying the ticket for the last train at 11:05 pm, we assumed it was for a high speed train until we stopped to look at it more closely. It was a slow "K" train that takes 1 1/2 hours as opposed to the high speed 30 minutes. CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Each car holds 100 people and they pack on 150-200 per car and it was the last one.  We got home after midnight. It sucked.

In spite of that, Bobby was here and we had a great weekend. We walked around Suzhou and I got to show him the town. We played games(til 2am)  and had some great food, with a side of Chinese redbull. It was nice to have someone that spoke Chinese, this way I knew what people were saying.  you got to love Bobby as he would just tell me that they were just asking about me and was doing his best not to tell me that they were calling me fat. I just kept reminding him that I have been fat most of my life and I’m ok with it. Bobby was here Thursday through Sunday when I took him to the train station and sent him on his way. It was sad and hard to see him go as this was with out a doubt the best weekend I have had in china.

Anyone else up for a visit? 

-Jeff 

{One of Life's Treasured Moments...}

My heart is full today. I have spent the better part of this past week fretting, stressing, and starting many fires that my husband dutifully puts out behind me as I struggle to prepare myself for this tremendous change. Today was unlike any other day this week, and any other week up to this point, for that matter.
Today Jeff and I had the great pleasure and honor of going through the temple for the first time together and were sealed for time and eternity. I was overcome with emotion having my family peaceably assembled alongside some dear and treasured friends that we have been blessed to have in our lives this past year. My heart and mind wandered to thoughts of my brother, so far away and isolated from us in his diligent work, and my grandmother who just recently passed on. I'm truly grateful that she was able to attend our wedding in February, but I deeply missed her today. Still, I couldn't help but feel her love and presence envelop me like the quilts of hers I keep on my bed.



I can't stress enough how truly deeply grateful I am for the edifying, supportive, and overall phenomenal friends we have that were both with us today and were not. I am humble enough to know that I [and Jeff] have only gotten this far in our lives because of the help that we've received along the way from some tremendous people. Thank you.




After a long drive home from Columbus, Jeff and I were treated to a wonderful dinner with my parents, where I may or may have not tried to kill jeff with a tasty bite of scallop ( no worries, he's currently in a benadryl coma, safe and sound).  When we got home, he surprised me with a sweet, and thoughtful surprise.
You see, I love traditions. I love the idea of carrying through an act in respect of those who have come before, and paying homage to memories and events past. That being said, we had a decision to make about cake - wedding cake. Our anniversary is not until February. We will be long gone by then.. and I don't think packing a cake in my carry-on will go over well. My solution? Well, to celebrate our second wedding date... so to speak. While Jeff was less than thrilled to eat frost bitten 10 month old cake, he knew it was important to me, so I pulled it out the night before so it would be ready when we got home this evening from our eventful day.
As we settled in, unpacked, and I went to fetch the cake, Jeff interrupted me with a beautiful surprise. He had taken the time to have another cake made that looked  and tasted pretty darn like ( if not better than) the original cake that we had saved. I still insisted in one tortured bite of the original, but then we delved into the fresh, DELICIOUS [early] anniversary cake.





I have such a sweet, thoughtful, and generous husband. Sometimes I don't quite deserve him, but I intend to spend the rest of my life and more trying my best to fix that.
Love to all,
- Ashley

A Follow Up on Past Reflections

Last month I had written a reflective post about  an old friendship that had gone astray. It really had been something that had bothered me on a regular basis and the fact that I was the only one that it seemed to bother hurt me even more. The advice that came from that post and further reflection have really been cause for a change in perception in what I want out of the friendships and relationships I maintain my life.

Is it worth maintaining contact and a farce of a relationship with someone when there is a lack of trust, belief, or compassion flowing between the two people?

I'm not sure I fully know the answer to that. I know that it's never black and white when it comes to human beings and our emotions, but I do know that lately I've had many reasons to take a second look at the way I've been conducting my life, the way I treat other people, and the people that I allow myself to associate with. In doing so, I've come to peace with the knowledge that people do, in fact, come in and out of our lives and do not always stay. They leave a mark on us, provide us with life experience, but in the end we evolve and meet new people that continue to provide the same wonderful service. Sometimes we are lucky and we get to keep good people around us longer than others.

I'm grateful for the lessons that I've learned so far in my life from the people that have influenced it. I'm grateful for the devoted friends that I do have that are constant in their affection and never fail to be there exactly when I need them most.

While I am frustrated that I don't get to say my peace and make my apologies with a warm reception, I do feel much better about the said situation, and about moving forward a bit wiser and peaceful that life unfold the way it needs to.

Dear friends,

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and the path that has led me up to where I am today. I've been thinking a lot about life decisions along the way, and specifically the people that I have surrounded myself at different points. In my pondering I have been thinking a lot about a specific acquaintance that I used to be very close to who I am no longer in communication with. I keep puzzling and puzzling over the events that led up to our estrangement, and the more I think about it the more frustrated I become. The whole thing was so silly, and yet we took ourselves so seriously! Continuing to think about this over a period of time, I decided that I wanted to contact and apologize, gain closure, and possibly resuscitate an old dead friendship. This person won't answer or return calls, reply to email, and I can't help but feel like a terrible person.

Have you ever lost a friend or someone you cared about to something you said, did, didn't do, and regret it? Do you have any advice to give? I'd sure love to hear it!

Thanks and love,
Ashley

P.S. Hope you all are enjoying this AH MAZING weather!

Showers of Happiness

First of all, I want to say that I am unusually lucky in that I have some of the most amazing friends. I say this knowing full well that I am not the easiest person to get along with. When I asked Ashley Fister to be my maid of honor, I knew that I'd get a lot of help and advice, but she blew me away with her amazing skills, tireless work, and dedication to making this wedding memorable. One might wonder where one gets these fantastic traits. Well, in the case of Ashley, I think it's safe to say that her mother is a huge contributor. Ashley and her mother planned a fantastic wedding shower, went overboard with food, graciously hosted and entertained my friends and family in their home. It was a wonderful afternoon full of laughter, satisfied bellies, lovely gifts, and entertaining factoids about Jeff and I.

Lori( my aunt), Karen Parker( my grandmother), Libby ( my mother), and I. Three generations all on one couch!

Lovely friends! Ashley, Kendall, and Vanessa

The whole affair was so much fun that even Jeff couldn't stay away ( or I gave him the wrong time, either way, he was entertaining and helpful, and could not stop talking about days later)

SO much good food! The delicious cake was just a small portion of what Nancy and Ashley did!

When you smile, the world smiles with you

I fear the lull in my everyday life happenings has affected the frequency of my posts. The past couple of weeks have been long, arduous, and mundane. Luckily, when this happens, life gives you the opportunity to shake things up a bit!


I got to travel down to Bowling Green this weekend to spend time with dear friends and celebrate a birthday. There is nothing to cure a wondering mind like the clarity that comes with a quiet solo drive. The sun was warm and inviting, and the sky was clear and full of the promise of impending spring. I have always relished the drive between the two cities because of how pretty and landscaped it is, and because it's the only time I feel truly allowed to think without guilt. I thought a lot about where I am right now in my life, why I feel unhappy day to day, the blessings I'm grateful to have, and how I want to progress from this point forward.

I feel like I've been a Debbie Downer as of late. I hate when I get in these ruts. They are a part of the ebb and flow of my personality, unfortunately, and I am in constant search of ways to improve this about myself. The next month or two are going to be full of cliff hangers at work, and I'm making the conscious effort to be sunny and accepting of the path life is guiding me down. There are decisions I don't want to face, but the sooner I get on with it, the sooner I get to move on to bigger and better parts of life.

I hope everyone else is well out there reading... so... all three of you... :)



I just want it to be known that I am truly grateful for all of those who support and cheer me on. You are the positive force that motivates me to strive to be better. So... Go you! You rock! YEAH!