{Thoughts on Progress}

I have been working on overcoming a weakness of mine, in comparing myself to others. Sometimes I look around and see the milestones, the happy pictures, and lives people lead and develop this envy of those who seem to have it together with life. I marginalize my own accomplishments, I downsize my daily triumphs, and I under-appreciate my personal blessings. I'm working on it.

The past couple of months have been tough, in this area. Since at -least- college ( at which time it became an acute problem) but certainly before, I've had anxiety. I worry about things that a rational person would normally worry about. I stress over hypothetical situations. I paralyze myself in accomplishing simple tasks over the fear of failure, ironically spiraling me into that direction anyway, and I overwhelm myself with tasks that seem daunting or challenging and run into wall after wall of frustration. This has done me in and caused great struggle in most of the things I've tried to accomplish in life. over the past couple of years, it's become progressively worse. I used to take medicine, but stopped when I thought I had it managed. I became ambitious at work, and bit off more than I could chew, and after months of crippling anxiety attacks, small failures stacking up on each other, and a couple of tough crisis moments, and I realized I couldn't continue the way that things were going, and started the transition out.

Immediately after making the decision and talking to my boss, it felt like an elephant had stepped off of my chest. I could breath, my heart rate settled, and I felt at ease. This frustrated me. I loved the job. I loved what I did, and I hated that I wasn't successful in this particular endeavor. I felt feel like a failure. If not this, than what? What am I supposed to do with my life? Am I ever going to be good at anything?

This is what started a still continuing contemplation about what I'm meant to do with my life, my past failures, my successes, and what I'm supposed to do with it all. What AM I supposed to do with it all? I know that while I loved teaching, I am not going to be a successful teacher in a traditional setting, but that I have the skill set to effectively teach people, children in particular new knowledge, and that I have an intrinsic need to do so. in the little jobs I've had here and there I've learned that I'm good with talking to people, customer service, putting people at ease while they take high stakes tests, relating to people across cultures, alphabetizing, and many other little tidbits that by themselves look unimportant. In case management, I learned that I have a love for all people, and an advocate's heart and a need to improve the lives of others in whatever work that I do. I'm never going to be the best at paperwork, or organization, or filing. I'm never going to be the best at lesson planning. I'm never going to be the best with politics.

Perhaps all this is going to lead to something better. Perhaps these experiences are just meant to teach me humility, and how to accept failure gracefully. I do know that I'm grateful for a husband and family that are supportive as I explore new options and interests for myself, and have helped me to grow through the struggles, the anxiety, and grief of evolving as a person.

I may not be where I pictured myself being at this moment in my life, but I look around and realize I'm surrounded by people that I love, who are genuine. I have my needs met, I have an enriching life, and I am progressing a little more each day. There always seems to be something on the horizon to look forward to, even now, and I'm excited for things yet to come. It's not easy to be optimistic all the time, but it is worth stepping back, examining life, and adjusting what needs to be adjusted and prioritizing the things that really matter.

{Thank You}

With Jeff away more, and all the travel time I have myself, I've had a lot of time to be left to my thoughts. I've been particularly introspective about the supports that have been there for me over the past few years as I've gone through huge and difficult changes in my life.

Jeff has been a rock the past couple of years, and has truly become my best friend and the person that I can rely on and tell just about anything to in confidence. Then again, that's what a marriage is. But he's not been the only one to lift me up, and show up in moments of need.

First, I have some amazing family members. Although we have our dysfunctions just like the next family, I've always been able to rely on my Aunt, Lori to be there as a supportive and creative outlet, and mother figure, particularly after Mom's passing. We've always had similar interests in movies, literature, and design, and when I got married she stepped up and created a wedding dress that I adored, and really all of the dresses that went with the wedding. Always tolerant and accepting of others, she's always been a positive and encouraging factor in my life. I'm really grateful for that.

My mother and grandmother, both gone now, were strong and singular women who made an impact wherever they went. I often clashed with what I wanted to do and what they thought was the right thing for me to do, but regardless of my follies, they stood by and supported me, and were driving forces in my life. While I think I've done remarkably well handling the void they've left behind. I really, really miss them pushing me, and life has changed dramatically without them in it.

My immediate family has as if over night turned completely male. With that said, I have three amazing men to rely on day to day. My father, who has always supported me unconditionally, my brother, who probably understands me better than anyone in the world,  and Jeff - the worlds most steadfast husband, have created a wall of protection and support that has become the new familiar, and evolving family unit.

Then, I have some amazing friends. and  I think this is where my biggest reflection has been lately. To be honest, I've been secluding myself away the past few months. I've been trying to keep up with work, missing Jeff, and really lacking the energy to put myself out there to interact with others. There have been a few that have been consistent in trying to drag me out of this, who reach out and check in, and I really, really appreciate you. Please don't give up on me. I  really do want that girls night.

When Jeff and I moved to China, we had friends that jumped in and helped us move, helped us learn Chinese ( well, gave it their best - I'd liken it to teaching a box of rocks, though. They never really stood a chance), and then a special few that even came to visit us. In a foreign place where one stands out as much as we did, seeing a familiar and friendly face made life easier, and renewed downtrodden spirits. We were just as grateful for the friends we DID make in China. Without them we would never have been able to order food, navigate the transit system, haggle the best deals, find the best pearls, discover places out of our comfort zones, and most of all, we would have been very, very lonely. Seriously, we look back extremely fondly on our experience in China, and it is entirely because of the network of people that surrounded us while we were there.

Coming back for my mother's funeral was surreal. I put all of my focus on getting out of China, getting back, getting a job, getting a place to live, that I didn't really allow myself to absorb the whole thing. The visitation and the funeral were tough. I had family not speaking to me, people I had never met or barely recognized striking up conversations with me, and exhaustion from the week of chaos. It was such a little thing, but two friends who I had not expected to see, showed up at the perfect time, sat on either side of me, and ran interference on the well intentioned, but overwhelming condolences. I don't think I ever expressed to those two how much that meant to me, but I don't think I would have gotten through as well as I did without that.

As we grow, evolve, and transition to different phases of our life, different people enter and exit, having left their mark. I think it's understatement to say that I have gone through several periods of deep immaturity, and it has been a refreshing comfort to rekindle friendships with the most unlikely people, and to gain a better insight into myself, as well as what I was too self involved to realize at the time. Being able to reflect, apologize, and move forward with more humility has been a great gift, and I'm so grateful for the friends that have allowed me to grow through knowing them.

I'm not the best version of me I want to be - yet. I have a lot of growing yet to do, and look forward to the journey. Still, it is amazing to have the ability to look back and recognize points of growth, and the individuals that have made a difference along the way.

Thank YOU, for making a difference in my life.

{2012}

 

2012 was full. It started out in Shanghai, China, where Jeff and I rang in the western New Year, and then the Chinese New Year in February. We celebrated one glorious, tough, trial ridden, tender, and sometimes argumentative year together in our first apartment in Suzhou, China. We explored new places, new people and LOTS and LOTS of new food. While most people boast losing weight in China, we managed to maintain and gain while grazing and dining on the tasty treasures our new home had to offer. We made new friends, were parents to a sweeet French Bulldog, Jack, for a while, and enjoyed our religious freedoms through our small branch of church in a city that treated us very well. We haggled, lost our tempers, humbled ourselves, and grew close to a people that found us intriguing. We lost count of how many times it was bluntly pointed out that we were fat, learned to let it go, and found an even deeper friendship in each other in the absence of others. We had visits from old friends, and went on countless adventures, both large and small. We got lost, got found, and got sick. We held wild animals, learned to bake in unconventional settings, and mastered transit systems. We went to the Temple in Hong Kong, and had faith moving experiences. We livened up Hong Kong Disney, and rekindled the kids within us. Jeff conquered Chinese airplanes, and the splits. We lost my mother, who finally succumbed to a valiant fight against cancer. We left Suzhou unexpectedly fast, leaving much behind, including objects, friends, and work. We made it home in time for the funeral, for closure, and the reaffirming of family ties. We've quickly picked up from where we left off in Lexington, found a comfortable place to live and are now preparing for the next leg of the journey that lays ahead of us in 2013. 

In 2012, we lived sincerely, wholly, and with hearts open.

2013, bring it on.

{Little Miss Sunshine*}

I am in a GREAT mood today.

For all you nay sayers of this progressively cooler weather, I am simply happy to be so far removed from the China summer. My arms and legs are bite free, I'm not currently driven crazy with the unceasing urge to itch or take a shower and I will gladly put on an extra layer, scarf and mittens to not go through that for a LONG time.

I am currently working TWO jobs. One is at the testing center I worked at a couple of years ago. I know the people well, we get along great, it's a mindless and conducive job for multitasking errands and to do lists that have been piling up on me as we work on getting re-established. For example, while doing my job (which I happen to be pretty great at) I also managed to research, call, apply, and get some really fantastic health insurance for Jeff and I - Something that has been a major stressor since before we got back from China.

The second job is what I'm even more excited about. Before we left for China I was working as a companion for an awesome woman who had Down Syndrome. During that time I fell in love with the area of work, and got to know the case managers and what they do. When I got back, I looked up some of those connections, had an interview and am currently working on getting established with a case load of my own. In the mean time, they are also letting me make money helping with billing and expenses, something I had already had experience with while working with them in the past. This is something I have been looking forward to, and honestly what I was really planning on doing when I got back. Everyone has been asking me if I plan on teaching again, and while I still love being in a classroom and working with children, I honestly am so burnt out ( or bitter , as Jeff puts it) with the education system. This new direction I'm taking will allow me to work with the same people that I wanted to work with as a teacher, but with less  different obstacles.  I'm very, very excited about this change.

While I'm not loving having less days off, I am loving being able to come up with enough time to run errands, unpack things around the house, and have dinner cooked before Jeff gets home. Almost every day this week we've been able to enjoy a home cooked dinner together, in our kitchen sitting at our dining table.

Finally, I'm SO relieved to finally have a place of our own that we see ourselves sticking to for a while. I hate moving OH.SO.MUCH. While our apartment still looks a little chaotic with boxes still threatening a hostile takeover, we get a little more done each day, and each day it looks a little more like home. Eventually, when I'm satisfied that it looks worth sharing, I'll give you a tour.

For right now though, I'm satisfied for the daily progress and the little things that keep me upbeat. Tonight, Spiral ham, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, parsley potatoes, and banana pudding.

-Ashley

*Also the name of my lemon of a car. 

{So Here We Are}

I want to write something, and honestly, there's a lot of things I have to say and get off my chest. Unfortunately, a lot of it is inappropriate for airing in public.While I am happy to share select things about my life with others, and I know some are interested and inquiring, I firmly feel that conflicts that involve people that are close to you such as family members are not something that every Tom, Dick, and Harry needs to be bothered with, tantalized with, or polled about for their opinions.

So, I'll say this. We're back, in Kentucky. We've been busy little beavers hitting the ground running trying to make sure the most impulsive decision we've made thus far in our relationship leads to a fruitful end, and that we can continue to sustain ourselves as two adults should. It hasn't been easy. I'm starting to hate the metaphor of the roller coaster, because it has been so fitting. Still, We've had more ups than downs, and that's what counts. That's what we choose to focus on.

In a lot of ways, I think my perspective on life and how I treat and understand people has changed significantly. I'm learning to let go of grudges, prioritize my life, and surround myself in environments that are condusive to my progression as a person, and a child of God. It's made a tremendous difference to have my faith in this situation, and while I have never been one to push my beliefs on anyone, I will say that for myself, I have been able to find a boon of peace and understanding because of my knowledge of the gospel. This has been a testimony building experience on many different levels, and I'm grateful to have the ability to move on and live my life in a land that allows me to have my free agency.

Jeff and I were both blessed to be able to secure jobs the day after we landed, were able to find a nice, affordable, and safe place to live so that we could continue to be independent, and have had amazing support from some family members who have made this transition a less terrifying one. I've had some interviews for some promising new opportunities that I am pretty confident in, that will allow me to switch my career to something I have been looking into for a while, and will give us the income to save and pursue future interests in education and life.

In all things, I see a masters touch, lining up events, circumstances and decisions that make things happen in such a way that you can't help but feel blessed. I'm working up the motivation to keep the blog going, as there are still a lot of things we want to share, to document, and to remember from our wonderful adventure abroad, and the one that lays ahead of us.

As always, thank you for reading and keeping up with us. It means a lot to know that we have so many people standing behind us, ready to support and encourage when needed, or to share in laughs, tears and the wealth of emotions that come with life. I look forward to growing these relationships with you, and continuing to share life's adventures.

Have a wonderful day.

-Ashley

{Unexpected Goodbyes}

What's the quote? Best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray? It seems to be the theme this week.

The original plan was to stay an additional year and work at one of the international schools for a considerably larger amount of money. In September, days after we had made the decision to sign our lives to another year of China, we got the notification that my mother had decided to stop chemo. We knew that while coming to Suzhou was an inspired and growth experience for us as a new couple, we also realized that the time had come to return home and face the challenges waiting for us in the states. My contract originally was slated to end on December 22nd, we had arranged it so we could come home on the 3rd, instead. Everything fell into place and we knew we had made the correct decision. With that life continued onward.

On the 16th of October we met my dear friend, Ashley in Shanghai to bring her and her father home with us after their spending the last week touring northern China. Together we traveled to Hong Kong and enjoyed much needed time together catching up, enjoying the sights, and showing off my very meager amount of Chinese learned over the past year. It was an excellent trip, with blog posts carefully thought out waiting to be posted.

Jeff and I got back into Suzhou Sunday night after a long day of Chinese traveling, and spent the morning the Monday after casually unpacking and enjoying downtime. After editing pictures and gearing up to entertain you with posts of our most recent exploits, I received some poignant emails from my father letting us know that my mother's time was drawing to a close. Setting everything a side, having a frank discussion with Jeff, and some answered prayers, we began to set to task finding tickets home in the hope of getting home in time to ease last moments. In the midst of our hostage negotiations with the ticketing company over changing flight plans, we were told of her passing. The shock set in, and has yet to wear off. Setting emotion aside, we went into full drive of getting things aligned to come home. In under 12 hours we had tickets booked, bags packed, work notified, final paperwork taken care of, friends in and out of the apartment taking assorted things, keys passed off, and at the airport taking flight back home. It's truly amazing how people rise to help in times like this. I promise I will make individual thanks in full detail as time goes on, but for now, I want those of you who made this possible to know that we have been so blessed to have you in our lives and cannot begin to express the amount of respect and gratitude we have for you.

It hasn't quite set in, the weight of what we've done, and what has happened. I haven't given myself too much time to dwell on my mother being gone. It's still very surreal being back on Kentucky soil, breathing the fresh, clean air and watching the rolling green hills pass by the window instead of the sea of skyscrapers, apartment buildings and old canals that lined the streets of our newly abandoned home. It's a heavy set of mixed emotions I have to face, and don't know how to appropriately respond to the condolences on our loss, or the elation by many of our returning. I'm happy to be here, but I will sincerely miss the place we've left behind.

It's been deeply touching to receive such an outpouring of love and support from so many different people. I want to respond to each of you, but I haven't the words or heart for it yet. Please excuse my lack of etiquette. I do read each and everyone of your words and cherish them. I know that I am not the first person to lose a loved one, and it's heartening to hear from those of you kindred spirits that are so eager to comfort a hurting soul. I hope to be such a boon to others in the future.

My mother was such a phenomenal person who continues to amaze me beyond her passing. She gave me my strong sense of independence, an excellent sense of moral rightness and tolerance of others, and the freedom to make as many mistakes as I could so that I could grow to reach my potential, albeit through some very tough lessons. I'm grateful for the time we had, grateful for the forgiveness she showed me for my brash stubbornness, and for the continuing love I feel from her as I move forward from this point.

This next week is going to be filled with following job leads, finding living arrangements, being with family, and mapping out a very uprooted and unpredictable future. I hope those of you who are able will be able to join us this weekend in celebrating her life as we lay her to rest. You can find information on the services here.

Much love,
Ashley

{Kindess Never Hurt Anyone}

There's something that's been on my mind lately that I'd like to share with you. In the midst of this political season, like every other, the divisive and razor sharp judgements abound on the internet. People grow bold with the anonymity of the internet, and comfortable with words exchanged via social media that I think would be much more hesitantly shared in person. I'm not, however wanting to talk about politics today, as it's not something I like to engage in as openly as others. Today I'd like to talk about grammar.

First, I'd like to throw out a LARGE disclaimer that I am NOT perfect, and I'm positive that you'll find at least one spelling or grammatical error in each of my posts.

With that out of the way, I have to say I've come a long way in terms of grammar. I never considered myself a great writer, but with time and education I feel that I can at least communicate effectively using the written word. Being a teacher, I've learned all the rules and mechanics and stay familiar with them as I've taught English this past year. I've been friends with people who have been sticklers for correct grammar, and have pushed myself to improve. I've even been accused of being one myself every now and again.

When I met Jeff, we were at very different places in our education and outlooks on what we deemed important in life. He's a self-described street savvy person, who has never found it easy learning from books in a traditional setting. In my two years of knowing him I have seen him push himself to read more, learn more, and especially since we've been in China, write more.

Admittedly early on I may have been overly critical and insensitive with reading and editing his initial essays and papers for class. It took humbling on my part to realize that he was doing his best to better himself in a skill that was never properly encouraged or nourished by educators and those around him. After a re-evaluation of how I approached reading Jeff's writing, He started to write more. He's written several passages of experiences he's had since living here in China. Some of them have been put on this blog. They started out simply, and sometimes confusing. As he's written more, he's improved on his mechanics and spelling, and flow. I'm always impressed by how much each piece he writes seems to reflect the kind of communication that Jeff is so great at in person. While he still  has growing yet to do, I am so very proud of his willingness to push himself to step out of his comfort zones to perpetually learn, hone his ability to effectively communicate through written word, and share with others his hidden potential.

I know that to some of you simple grammar and spelling mistakes can be annoyances as you browse your news feeds and blogs. I've been there. Today I hope to ask you to think a little more carefully before you criticize a person that you might consider ignorant, or careless in their language. Everyone is in their own stage of learning and you never know how hard someone may be working to shine through. It's easy to type a snide quip at another s expense, but once said, clicked, and sent - like spoken word, it cannot be retrieved.

A great rule of thumb: Kindness never hurt anyone [on the internet].

-Ashley

{Reflections on an Adventure}

Tonight as I make dinner and clean the kitchen, I looked out over Suzhou, and from our apartment the view is awesome.   And with our time coming to an end here in China, it’s made me think of the adventure we have had, the things we have seen, the people we have met, the food we have tried and what an experience  this has been.

I am so glad I have been able to spend this last year in China and to have shared it with Ashley.  I never thought I would get to see much of the world, so I tried to see as much of the states as I could.  I do have to say that there is nothing like going somewhere, where you are so odd that people on bikes hit cars while staring at you, or drivers of cars stare so hard that they hit the car in front of them causing pileups.  Or for that matter, I never imagined sitting at a bus stop and having people come up to me to talk to me in a foreign language, and even though I tell them I don’t understand  they still speak a mile a minute. Old ladies love to walk up to me and pet the hair on my arms and legs, and make fun of me because I’m in shorts outside in weather below 90 degrees. 

On the flip side of that coin, the people here can be great, and are so willing to help you as much as they can.  Like the sweet lady at the vegetable stand who has tried to teach me how to say the different foods in Chinese.  The neighbor that helps when the guy selling fruit is trying to take avenge of us. The guy who I met on facebook named Tommy who has taken so much of his time to help find Jack a new home, and has helped me with anything I needed help with (If you want to add him on facebook his name is “Tommy LVL” and I know he would love to talk to anyone that would take the time, it helps his English, and he is a great guy. So fill his friend list).

And when you talk about the people here you have to talk about the people we have met at church. The warmth and caring that the people have here is awesome.  They take you in and make you family, and are always willing to help you make your time in China easier.

Being a fat guy I seem to gravitate to the subject of food. We both love the food her and I have learned how to make some of it. I also have a cook book that is in Chinese and English, and there will be Chinese food night at the McLemore’s home in the future!  We have also learned how to cook with almost nothing and have made some of the most accomplished dishes here with limited resources.

All an all I am so glad we spent this time in China for the last year.  Ashley and I have gotten closer and know that we picked the right pain in the butt to spend our lives with.  

I am EXCITED to be coming home, but at the same time I will miss the friends and home we have made here.

 -Jeff

{Superpowers}

For the past year everywhere I go I have been the most interesting thing to look/stare/gawk at within a 3 block radius ( Unless I'm with Jeff, in which case HE'S the most interesting thing to look/stare/gawk/take pictures of/with in a 3 block radius... or more).

I'm so very much looking forward to being invisible and ordinary.

-Ashley

{ I Love My Mom}

I'm having a rough day today processing difficult news from home. Life had been tough for our family the past couple of years. We've had more than our fair share of accidents, sickness, and death. I'm always impressed with how other members in my family seem to rise to each occasion and transform into something even more amazing, while I feel useless, cowardly, and diminished. My mother has been sick since November 2010. When she first got her diagnosis she was given 4 to 6 months life expectancy. We were devastated, but confident in the tenacity of my mother's will power and the care of doctors. Operations, Chemo, and Radiation have extended her time on this Earth and has given us all the opportunity to strengthen our relationships with her.

My brother, Tyler, left to go on his LDS mission in February of 2011, the same month I married Jeff. It was a tough decision for him to make, but was one he chose to follow and has been a blessing in his and all of our lives. It's been amazing to carry on a written communication with and witness the amazing personal growth and insight he has gained. My mother made the personal goal to stick around to see him return in February of 2013. So far, so good. She's a tough bird and fights for what she wants.

When Jeff and I made the decision to move to China in October it was met with dynamically mixed reviews. Jeff and I had to make some financial and work decisions that would have lasting impact, and knew that for us moving to China and my teaching here for a period of time would be a solution to some problems. However, it also meant leaving family behind, and being absent during a turbulent period in my mother's life, and the rest of my family in turn. I regret the way things were handled, and things that were said in the heat of emotion. I miss my mother and don't get to communicate with her as frequently as I would like. It's very hard and frustrating knowing the trials and pain my parents are going through and not being able to step in and do anything.

As my mother's health declines, and my family members take on more burden, I am ever grateful to those who keep persisting with desires of help, assistance, and comfort to them. I come from a proud and independent family. We have had many lessons in humility and service the past two years, with more to come, I'm sure. I'm grateful to those who have worked with my mother and have given her friendship and respect, and have allowed her to transition out of her job in a way that allowed her to keep her dignity.

While I don't know all the details, I was told that she has made the decision to end her chemo treatments.  I don't know how this is going to affect her progress, her goals, or the near future. I knew that this would eventually come, and I know how it progressed with my grandmother. It's still hard. I'm not sure exactly how to feel, or how to act. I'm notorious for mishandling feelings and interactions with others. I'm not very good at expressing to others how I feel.  I'm better at ignoring grief than confronting it. I'm extremely frustrated at the helplessness of my geographical location.

I love my mother so very much. She and I are two very dynamic and stubborn people. I have always been a headstrong daughter who has always been insistent on being independent in my decisions and thinking, and she has always been as patient and understanding with me as she was able. We've found ourselves in conflict with each other much of my life because of my stubbornness, and I really didn't start to develop a great friendship with her until I was in college with a little distance to gain perspective. While she and I haven't achieved the level of closeness she had with her mother, I have always maintained an amazing respect for my mother and the amount of tenacity and steadfastness she has in her nature. There was never a project she set her mind to that she did not complete to the level of perfection she set out to achieve.  She is a talented woman who has a knack for creating things although she never gave herself enough credit. Even though we have differing opinions on most things, it never stopped me from going to her to vent or get her perspective on things going on in my life.

The thought of not being there when/if something happens to my mother is a difficult one to handle, although I knew when I left that it was a likely reality. I've been pondering whether or not I would come to China again if I were given the chance to do things over. For now, I don't think I would have done anything differently. The experience has given Jeff and I a chance to grow in our independence, and share important experiences here. It's also given my mother and father the opportunity to have time together without interference from children for the first time in 25 years. Will I have regrets? Probably. Most likely. Absolutely. Thankfully, I have the comfort of my faith and religion and the knowledge that I have eternities to share with my mother and family after this life. 

If you know my mother or family, please keep them close in your prayers. They are soldiering on, and she is the bravest of us all, but could always use the extra support and positive energy.

I'm sorry if this is a little incoherent. Sometimes emotions do that.

Love and hugs [needed],
-Ashley

{Observations on Religion & Culture}

Living in a different country submerges you into a new culture and society with priorities that often differ and clash with our own. One of the biggest thoughts that I've been mulling over in my head over the past few months is the effects of a vacuum of religion in China and how it's affected the culture and people here. While I don't think I have it completely ironed out like I'd like to, I did want to share some of the observations I've had while living here so far.

The Chinese culture is rich with traditions. There is a way and a time for everything to be done. Most of it is deeply rooted in ancient belief systems that are now archaic and expunged from the public mindset today. The result is an inability to explain where their traditions come from. I've found this to be particularly true lately when I ask where phrases or different aspects of holidays come from. They think about it for a moment, and realize that they don't have any great answers, it's just " always been". Tradition creates a sense of order and understanding in community, but what happens when we lose the meanings behind our traditions?

Views towards casual and close relationships and the commitment involved with marriage are handled differently from what I've witnessed so far. While there is definitely a growing trend in America towards more informal and easily dissolved marriages and romantic relationships, it seems to be an even more widely accepted arrangement in China. People who get married here may very well get married for "love", but the process seems far more like a business transaction to me. I've seen more than a few instances affected by the "One Child Policy" Where the choice between abortion and marriage push women to marry men that they would have never intended to do so in order to keep a child. and I've seen women marry simply because they want to have a child period, and it's a good business arrangement for them. The "affair" is a commonplace practice here on both sides of the gender divide and the monogamy of marriage doesn't seem to apply in the same way that it would at home. That being said, there are always the exceptions to rules in both cultures. This has just been my generalized observation so far.

It seems to me that when communism took over, China embraced much of the modernism that we enjoy in America and in other westernized countries. It also seems like they took some of our worst habits and amplified them. The first of which being materialism. The need to have the newest fad in fashion, technology, and automobile seems to be on the front of the mind of most Chinese. The concept of living simply and under budget doesn't seem to be a well spread one because the emphasis on happiness here seems to be based on the biggest and best object of your affection. While this greed and materialism is alive and well in America, it seems to be tempered with other idealism and the existential motivations of religion. From birth to death the primary goal here in China is to make the most money and be the best _____ in school, work, and society and to revel in the material rewards. It has certainly given me cause to ponder on my own life goals and priorities. What's the most important thing in life to me? And what would life be without all of the gadgets we fill it with?

The people here in China are not bad people, quite the opposite. I've met countless individuals here that are kindhearted, giving, service oriented, and seemingly in search of more out of their lives. Until now, I've never really considered how much of an effect religion has on our lives as far as giving us extended purpose beyond the here and now in our lives. A society rooted in religion makes its laws, priorities, and way of life based on the principles taught in that religion, for better or for worse. 

With that I'm sure I could steer this in the direction of politics, I won't ( because I don't like to jump into that mess, especially on the Internet), except to say that for me, I'm grateful to be from a country where it's an option.

-Ashley

{Six Months in Review}

It's kind of incredible to think that we have been in China for over six months now. Time has gone by so quickly that it snuck up on us! I've had a lot to share but have put off because of how busy work has been, and I've quite frankly been too lazy to upload and edit pictures. With the way my procrastination works, I might as well share words with you now, and pictures with you later, or I'll never get around to anything at all!

Suzhou has been wonderful to us. We really enjoy our city and the pace of life. We love the apartment complex we live in, and have established a level of comfort with the people that live around us. We are obviously recognizable, and people have become familiar and used to having us around. The majority of the people here are sweet natured, and we have had several instances of people defending us or taking care of us when we have struggled to communicate or rise to a social custom.  Several weeks ago we were trying to buy some fruit to snack on from a fruit vendor outside of the complex and were frustrated with his attempts to take advantage of our being foreign. We were being as clear as we could about how much we wanted, he 'knew' but was trying to up sale anyway. A few people passing by that recognized us observed what was going on and stood in on our behalf and badgered him into giving us what we were asking for. In a place where many of the cultural differences cause clashes and aggravation, I've really learned to appreciate the underlying kindness in the people here.

Work continues and I do my best to thrive within it. It's been an interesting experience to work for Disney in an educational setting. It's been even more so interesting to observe the state of education in other countries in comparison with home along with parenting styles, expectations on children, and the relationship the two cultures have with their teachers. I'm sincerely grateful to have had this experience and I really think it will shape my decisions as I move forward with my career when we return home.
Jeff has probably had the most sincerely funny, aggravating, eye opening, and all around more interesting experiences between the two of us, and I cannot begin to tell his stories as well as he can ( I suppose I'll have to push him into sharing a few posts). While I spend the majority of my time working and recovering from working, he spends his time out and about running errands, exploring, avoiding conflicts { or not}, and overall interacting with this people much more frequently than I do. He's had much more experience with culture shock than I {working in an English speaking environment has been life saving}, and has had his ups and downs with being here. He's been anxiously engaged in trying to find work to occupy and supplement our income, and in doing so has met some interesting people along the way. Still, with the challenge of running the household, and staving off boredom, he continues to be the plucky and amazing guy we all know and adore. He's pretty much the most awesome person I know and I'm so very glad to have him here.

This has been the most amazing experience to go through as a newly married couple. We have the freedom of independence in the extreme living half-way around the world. We've been able to hammer out some of our differences without the interference of {loving} family and friends. We've really had to be each other's best friend in every way, because there's not really anyone else to do it! I get compliments and astonishment from the local girls that I work with here. They frequently exclaim how lucky and well taken care of by {Mr. Incredible} and that their husbands don't do anywhere near what he does for me. Well into our second year of marriage I'm pleased to say that I have not been more in love with this excellent man than I am now.

I've been thinking a lot on the subject of marriage. My attitude towards the institution has changed so dramatically since getting married myself. I get so gleeful looking through the pictures of friends nuptials, and I love seeing people so happy to have found that perfect person for them. It reminds me of how happy I was to go through it myself. There's also been a flip side to this phenomenon. So many people I know have ended their marriages. So young, so sudden, and so sad to think about. There have been a couple of days where I've been stuck in my head pondering what must go wrong to give up on a spouse and marriage so early. People that I've known for a long time and who made excellent couples have split and it simply breaks my heart. It also makes me meta-cognizant of how important my own relationship is to me, and how much harder I want to work on myself and my partnership with Jeff. I simply don't think that I could go through that kind of heartbreak, and cannot fathom losing my best friend.

If that wasn't enough to think about, I've also been thinking about babies. No, Jeff and I don't have any news we'd like to share, but thanks for asking {;)}. Babies are simply springing up left and right around here like weeds. Here, and on Facebook, in fact. Of course we want to have our own eventually. In the mean time, I've just been contemplating parenting and paths to parenthood a lot. The cultural differences, rules, norms, and expectations are so different in the two countries; it's been intriguing to watch how the differences affect the outcome of the children. I've had several interesting conversations with the ladies I work with about the one child policy and their thoughts and opinions on it, as well as the technicalities of it, and the entire culture around child rearing here is so fascinating.

We haven't travelled as much as we would like to while here in China, but we're more focused on saving money and doing what's fiscally responsible for us and our future. In spite of that, we've had some great experiences locally that we've been able to participate in, and I don't feel like we've missed out simply because we haven't been all over the country. We are very lucky to have picked the city that we have, because in doing so we are located in a culturally rich area where we have been able to experience and see most of what makes china unique and special. When I finally do get around to those pictures, I'll be sure to share some of the festivals and places we've been able to visit in more detail.

 We continue to learn, grow, and enjoy our experiences here in China. We haven't regretted the decision to spend this time here, although we do miss family and friends very much. We look forward to the next six months with just as much optimism as when we came, and look forward to sharing our adventures with you!

Thank you for your love and support!
-Ashley