Truckin' Right Along

Summer is wrapping up and I'm sitting for a moment reflecting on the whirlwind that it has been. A lot of tragedy, a lot of blessings, and a lot of growth have peppered the hot days, and I'm a stronger person because of it.

I really miss my grandmother. She was a stubborn woman, and it was a constant struggle to live up to her standards, but there wasn't a more genuine, service based person on this earth. Shes left behind a lot of fond memories, a tight knit loving family, and a lot to live up to. So far, her passing has been the hardest thing I've had to deal with in a long time.

I am not teaching this year... Again. You know what? I'm not upset, bothered, or bitter about that. It's been a long road in the education field. I had several interviews this summer. Some were ok, some were phenomenal, some were politically stacked, but nothing felt right. After each moment of disappointment passed, I felt relief. Yes, I wanted a job desperately, but none of the schools seemed like a perfect match, and I am so apprehensive at working at another school that I don't fit.

With the struggles of job hunting in the education field I have also had to struggle with the decision of furthering my education. I have some issues with the limitations that Kentucky puts on teachers in what they are allowed to get their masters in, and I feel very cornered into the profession because of it. I do not want to get a degree for a job that I may not have forever. That's a lot of debt that I'm not ready to justify. At the same time, if I don't do it, I lose my teaching certification. It's a rock and a hard place, and has been heavy on mind for two years.

So, I have been grappling with these decisions, while researching and looking into different fields of work that I feel I could co tribute to with my current education. I got a lead from a friend a month or two ago about a job opportunity that I followed up on, and now am currently implied for a company that works with developmentally challenged individuals in making them more independent in the community.

I love my job. I love being able to work with someone one on one and make a direct difference in her life. I love getting to use what I know and have learned in my educational and life experience to benefit her in the different faucets of what we do together. I also love the different doors is job is opening up. I am learning about new career options that were not made known to me before, careers that allow me to do what I love, work with kids, work with people that need me, without the drama, politics, and restrictions of public education. I am very blessed in this, and for once I'm making decent money without taking work home.

Jeff and I have enjoyed our seccon summer. We have gotten to go on some trips, explore new things, and develop a ever strengthening bond with one another. I am so grateful to have a companion who loves me as much as he does, respects me in all things and always makes sure that any disagreement is resolved before going to bed.

I am excited for what the rest of this year has in store. I'm excited to take on new challenges, make new memories, and find time and motivation to appropriately document them.

Blackberry Jam & Memories

It's been tough, I'm not going to lie. In fact, I didn't realize how tough it was going to be. My grandmother was a moving force in my life. She's been there since the very beginning, shaping me as much as my parents and brother. She was an incredibly talented woman. Her funeral was centered around her love of quilts, and I was proud to see her memory displayed through the products of her love. But, she had so many other talents and abilities that I was privileged to learn from as well.  She was an amazing painter, she cross-stitched, scrap-booked, and man - she was an AMAZING COOK.


She's the one that taught me the majority of what I know about cooking and baking ( my dad contributed the rest). My fondest memories with her include sitting on the counter putting fork marks into peanut butter cookies, taking the spring pan off the cheesecake, playing with the dough for the thanksgiving yeast rolls, and of course, learning to make the family recipe of chicken noodle soup from scratch. Growing up, family dinners at my grandparents was a regular occurrence and every meal she prepared for the family was made with love.


She was also diligent in following the church teachings of preparedness. She was diligent in creating a food storage that met not only her and my grandfather's needs, but that of our whole extended family. My childhood is filled with the seasonal canning and preserving of food. It is as much a family tradition in our family as a necessity that we are asked to do. When Jeff started to spend time around my family, I was touched and happy that he showed interest and a desire in how to can, because I knew that it was something that I wanted to continue doing in my own family with him and my future children.


Freezer jam is a family staple. It's an uncooked jam that sets up like regular jam... as long as you keep it frozen. It's amazing, I'm spoiled and no other jam compares to it. Today, Jeff got to learn how to make it. Today, we got to preserve the memory of my grandmother and her lessons through family traditions. Today felt good.

NYC

For my birthday my mom decided that she wanted to take me and my aunt on a last girls trip hoorah. I've bugged her for years about wanting to see shows on Broadway and to sight see in one of the biggest cities in the U.S. so now was my opportunity. We got to see three shows while we were there, all fantastic, eat lots of amazing street vendor food, sight see some amazing sights, and appreciate the slower paced life of home. I wasn't great at taking pictures on this trip, but here are the few I did manage to get. Enjoy!

Family is the Glue that Holds Life Together

Here's just a few snapshots from the family shoot a few weeks back that stood out to me... Sometimes it's not the perfectly posed, planned and expected pictures that show the relationships that we form in this life. 

Cupcake Crazy

Ok... not quite... but I have been in a baking mood lately. I'm not sure if it's something to keep me busy and feeling useful, or if I just have an insatiable sweet tooth. Either way,  I've been experimenting with cupcake recipes and designs for the past month. Here are just a few:

Late Night ( Early Morning?) Ramblings

What does one do at 2 in the morning when one can't sleep? Blog, of course!

Life has been very crazy and disorganized lately. Not that I can say that it's ever been all that organized to begin with. I've been juggling different jobs, tutoring a fantastic little boy, and continuing the less than motivated search for more permanent employment.

Married life continues to develop and unfold with the many quirks and nuances that come with it. It's been a hodgepodge of trials and blessings trying to learn to transition from being an independent young woman with very strong opinions about life and the way things ought to be to one person in a partnership. Negotiating pillow rights, bank account discrepancies, Netflix channels, and a myriad of other seemingly simple facets of every day life have gone from things that happened by way of second nature to things that are planned out, discussed, and occasionally argued out until a happy agreement ( otherwise known as I am happy in the agreement) can be reached. Even with all the many ways that I am re-learning to live life, there are still so many reward to outway the little trials that it always is worth it at the end of the day.

Family, as those who know me and read this blog know, is a circus in almost every way. This past week family on my mother's side has been flying into town to visit with my grandmother, who is having a particularly difficult time with her cancer. It's nice seeing people that I haven't seen since the age of six ralley to her side, and it's a nice chance to catch up on stories, memories, traditions, and sentiments that are often shared when family is gathered. While nothing formal has been arranged around this reunion, it's been just as nice to causally spend time together.

Today those of use that could got together to take pictures as  a family. It was poignant, and I felt out of place at some points while I watched my grandmother and her siblings sit together for the camera. While they were having their moments I was snapping pictures around the gardens and of Jeff and the cousins. Portraits will come later ( when I get my hands on the CD).

The Funk

I don't know how to best describe it... but as of late I've just been off kilter? Blue? In a Funk? Depressed? Eh, I'm not sure. I do know that I'm trying to tackle the daunting grad school applications for programs that I'm not 100% sold that I want to go through, deciding whether or not I want to continue to pursue teaching, trying to find a steady job that will make the income that I want and need, continuing to adjust to the balance of marriage, and an ever tense family life overwrought by terminal cancers and the unpleasant thoughts, conversations and realities that come with it.

It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my life. I'm very grateful for it in all reality. I love my husband. He's my best friend, my confidant, and my rock. I love my family. I do, even though I have to take several time outs to remind myself of it. I love the people I surround myself with. I have amazing friends peppered throughout the different facets of my life. I feel ever uplifted and supported by ALL of them.

I need a new direction. I need a spark. I need a good book to read. I need a pedicure. I need to find some confidence in some of the bigger life decisions that are coming up sooner than I feel ready for.

What do you do when you feel out of rhythm? What do you do to kick-start yourself? Where do you find your motivation when it's waning?