Tuesday, December 18, 2012

{Kalamata Olives}

I like olives. Really, I love anything that's pickled, but especially olives. After a particularly awful day of teaching, I packed up my stuff and decided to head to my parents house to hang out for a bit ( code for: they had cable and I didn't). I vented to my mother about coworkers, students, and how discouraged I felt. My brother got home from his job working as a cook at a local restaurant, Malones. He had spent the slow time of his shift that night stuffing a pint of teeny tiny kalamata olives by hand with blue cheese just for me. He had done it on a whim, having no idea the day I was having. They were just olives, but was just one of those little things that made a difference.

I miss my brother. There, I've said it. Not something I would have ever thought I'd say, let alone write. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the kid, he's always just... been there. So He's never been one that I've had to miss. That, and we have had our healthy moments of sibling rivalry so that when we did have times apart, like while I was at college for semesters at a time, they were welcome breathers.

But, It's been a LONG two years. A LOT has happened. We separated two very different people than we are now. He's had his first very large taste of freedom from home ties, and has been forced to develop a sense of self and an identity that stands alone from who he's perceived within our family dynamics. And that's pretty huge, and has made him someone I'm very excited to get to know better when he returns in February. But also, since he left, I got married. I've had to grow up ( just a little more) since then and learn to be just a fraction of a bit less self centered, and egotistical. The world in fact does NOT revolve around me all days of the week ( ignore Jeff in the background shaking his head vehemently), and while I've got a long way to go, I'm a nicer, softer version of me in a lot of respects than what he'll remember.

And so, I've been reminiscing a lot. I've actually spent a lot of time in my head lately. Partially because it's such a mess and needs sorting. I've thought back on all our silly fights. All my pushy, bossy, terrible, no good, troll under the bridge older sister moments. All of his at the time annoying and intolerable behaviors. And through it all, I just shake my head and sigh, because I know that the majority of the time, it was mostly my fault. The kid has his faults, but in general, he's a pretty sweet and caring person. Quite the people pleaser, he was always out to make others feel special, even if they (me) didn't appreciate it, and I'm so very ready for him to be home again.


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